


It's in Your Jeans

by tawg



Category: Hot Fuzz (2007)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-19
Updated: 2011-06-19
Packaged: 2017-10-20 13:33:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/213302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tawg/pseuds/tawg
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I've somehow realized that Angel doesn't own a pair of jeans because they don't leave anything to the imagination. Danny feels a need to remedy this situation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's in Your Jeans

Nicholas sulked behind Danny through the department store. It was the special ‘I don’t want to be here, and you’re horrible for making me be here, and the _only_ reason I’m here at all is because you’ll make my life hell if I’m not’ kind of sulk. Nicholas was especially good at it, having been dragged to many places he didn’t particularly want to go to by various friends and girlfriends, and really, that was why he’d decided to just do away with them because it _always_ ended up in department stores. Danny, however, was very practiced at not putting up with any of that kind of rubbish, and so Nicholas had somehow wound up with a friend, and a more-than-friend, and stuck once more in the men’s clothing section.

“I don’t know why everyone I meet feels this compulsion to dress me,” he said darkly as Danny leafed through boxer shorts.

“It’s because even when you’re in your casual clothes, you still look like you’re chained to a desk,” Danny replied. “Spiderman, maybe?”

Nicholas glared at the offending undergarment. “Definitely not.”

Danny wandered through the t-shirt section, and through the pastel-coloured end of the button up shirt section, Nicholas doing his best to get lost behind him. “But I _like_ looking like this,” he whined as Danny dragged him along by the jacket. “It completely eliminates any misconceptions that people might have that I’m an interesting person.”

“You’re plenty interesting,” Danny defended absently.

“Outside of the job.”

“Oh, right. Well, we’re working on that.” Nicholas rolled his eyes and allowed himself to be dragged further and further into the store. “Here, how about a Batman belt? It’ll be reprehensitive. You and him got plenty in common.”

Nicholas eyed the belt with suspicion. “Like what?”

“You’re both city boys, both know martial arts-”

“Both have easily damaged side-kicks?”

“Shut it. Both broody as all fuck.” Danny looked at Nicholas with a sudden grin, and waggling eyebrows. “Both of you are sexually ambiguous.”

“I _am_ willing to break up with you over this shopping trip.”

Danny snorted and put the belt back. “Took you long enough to figure out we’re involved anyway.”

Nicholas crossed his arms at the teasing, and slouched against the belt display. “If you had of made up some kind of acquisition form for me it would have been _much_ easier.”

“Maybe for our anniversary. Ahh!”

Nicholas straightened worriedly. “I don’t like that sound.”

“Jeans.”

Nicholas blinked. “I _really_ don’t like that sound.”

 

Nicholas scowled as Danny piled pair after pair of jeans into his arms. “Half of these won’t even fit me,” he tried.

“Yes they will.”

“They’ll be too small.”

Danny gave Nicholas a pointed look. “Which means they’ll actually _fit_ you.”

“I’ll never wear them.”

“I’ll make you wear them.”

“How?”

“I’ll… I’ll burn all your other pants.”

“If you can do it without setting yourself on fire I might even refrain from pressing charges against you for wilfully damaging police equipment.”

“The uniform’s not equipment.”

“It’s covered in the basic equipment requirements list,” Nicholas said smugly.

Danny snorted. “Fine. I’ll just spill bleach on them then, all accident-like. Because there’s no way you could wear a less than pristine uniform without developing some kind of twitch.”

Nicholas gave Danny a woeful look. “I thought you liked my pristine uniform.”

“I’ll like it better when it’s on my bedroom floor.”

Nicholas shot Danny a dirty look. “That’s a terrible line, you know.”

Danny looked at Nicholas with large, brown, puppy-dog eyes. “I thought you _liked_ my terrible lines?” he mimicked.

Nicholas rolled his eyes, and went back into his sulk.

 

“No, no, and no,” Nicholas said, throwing the offending pairs over the top of the dressing room door.

“You’re not even trying them on now, are you?” Danny accused.

Nicholas allowed himself a small smile. “I can assure you that, inside this cubicle, I have achieved levels of pantslessness thus far unobserved by you.”

Danny huffed, and leant heavily against the side of the cubicle. “You’re very eloquent for such a fuckin’ tease,” he said.

“Don’t sulk, Danny,” Nicholas chastised happily, throwing another pair of pants over the wall.

Danny frowned as he clipped them back onto the hanger. “You’re hypocriminal, too. So how come you hate denim so much then?”

“It’s impractical. It both stretches and shrinks, so it never fits right; it has minimal useful give, so it’s impossible to run in unless you’ve broken the pants in. And any pants that need to be ‘broken in’ in the first place are clearly suffering from an intense design flaw stemming from the improper use of materials.”

Danny laughed. “If you keep up the regulation talk I’m going to have to do something inappropriate,” he said in a low voice.

Inside the cubicle, Nicholas frowned. “I can’t trust you not to be inappropriate regardless of what I’m doing. Why do you think I demanded we go all the way to Cheltenham?”

“I assumed it was so there’d be none of my family around when we eventually got to the hot dressing room action.”

“Danny. There will be _no_ dressing room action. I forbid it.”

Danny smirked. “What? Like you forbidded me from taking you shopping?” There was a sulking silence from inside the cubicle. “Alright, you’ve had that pair on for at least three minutes, I’m coming in for a look.”

Nicholas was slouched against the back wall of the cubicle, by the mirror. He wasn’t particularly good at slouching, but he’d been watching the hoodies and taking notes, and certainly had a bit of a scowl well rehearsed. He also looked surprisingly good in the jeans. Danny looked him up and down approvingly.

“You look good in those.”

Nicholas scowled at somewhere around Danny’s knee. “They’re too small.”

“They’re _fine_.” Danny reached out and dragged Nicholas away from the wall, posing him in front of the mirror. “See,” he said tugging at the denim by Nicholas’ knee, “they’re loose enough down here for you to run and jump and skip-”

Nicholas frowned at Danny in the mirror, his arms crossed over his chest. “I don’t skip.”

“And then,” he ran his hand up Nicholas’ thigh, “they fit nice and snug up here.” He rested his chin on Nicholas’ shoulder, and let a hand drift across to the front of Nicholas’ jeans. “And they fit _very_ well here.”

Nicholas’ frown turned into a glare. “If this is how jeans are _supposed_ to fit, then how come yours don’t fit this way?”

“Because,” Danny said simply. “I have completely different pants-fitting rules to you.”

Nicholas arched an unimpressed eyebrow. “Oh? And why is that then?”

“Because I’m not a dead sexy policeman-officer like yourself,” Danny replied, kissing the stretch of skin above the collar of Nicholas’ shirt. He took advantage of the resulting distraction to press the heel of his palm against the front of Nicholas’ pants, rubbing and his groin and biting at his neck and loving the slowly spreading flush across Nicholas’ cheeks.

Nicholas swallowed a little thickly. “Danny,” he said warningly.

“Mmm?” Danny hooked a thumb in the waistband at the front of Nicholas’ jeans, gently stroking the sift skin above his crotch. “What?”

Nicholas took a shaky breath. “You are _not_ feeling me up in a dressing room,” he hissed.

“That’s funny,” Danny said, pulling the neck of Nicholas’ shirt down with his other hand and licking at the exposed skin. “Because it looks an awful lot like that’s exactly what I’m doin’.” He let his fingers settle over the bulge in the front of Nicholas’ jeans. “Mmm, feels like it too.”

Nicholas let out a low, perplexed whine. Danny looked up and met Nicholas eyes in the mirror in front of them. “There’s a lot of things I’d like to do to you right now,” he said in a low voice. Nicholas’ eyelids fluttered closed, and a shiver ran through his body. Danny grinned. “You’re secretly getting off on this, aren’t you? Why didn’ you tell me you had a thing for being felt up in public?”

Nicholas’ eyes snapped open, and he shot a glare at Danny. “I _don’t_ ,” he hissed.

“You do. You just didn’t know it.”

“Well it’s not like I’ve been molested out in public before, is it?”

“’snot public, we’re in a cubicle.”

“It’s still public, Danny.”

“The door’s locked.”

“The door’s – what the hell good do you think that’s going to do?”

Danny smiled as he bit at Nicholas neck again, nuzzling at his ear and feeling Nicholas’ body tremor again. “Means I’m the only one to see you like this, at least. We’ll just have to be quiet.”

Nicholas suddenly felt a whole new kind of panic. “Quiet? Danny, what exactly do you think we’re going to- mmmph!” Danny cut Nicholas off by clamping a hand over his mouth and biting down on his earlobe. He thumbed open the button of Nicholas’ jeans, his palm and fingers resting heavily against Nicholas’ reluctant erection. “You really want me to stop?” he asked in a sweet, low voice.

Nicholas let his head fall back against Danny’s shoulder, and panted. “How come you couldn’t pull this while we’re watching DVDs or something?” There was an edge to his voice, a little frustrated and more than a little needy. Danny spun Nicholas around and pressed his back against the cool mirror, kissing him hard and deep, pulling at the zip of Nicholas’ jeans. Nicholas clutched at Danny’s shoulders, gripping his hair and moaning softly as the offending zip was finally yanked down and Danny’s hand gripped him through stretched cotton underwear.

Nicholas pulled his mouth away from Danny’s, pressing his forehead against Danny’s as he let out a soft, shaky noise. Danny pressed open-mouthed kisses along Nicholas jaw as he tugged at the jeans, pulling them down over Nicholas’ hips and dragging the tight, now-damp underwear with them. Nicholas let his head fall back against the changing room wall with a dull thudding noise, his mouth open and red, and a deep flush across the tops of his cheeks.

“Fuck, you look good,” Danny said softly.

Nicholas’ mouth curved in a blinding smile. “It’s the jeans,” he replied, his voice hitching at the end as Danny wrapped his hand around Nicholas’s cock. Danny pressed his mouth back against Nicholas’, open and a little sloppy as he relished in the feel of hot and firm flesh. He pulled his mouth away, and looked down at Nicholas’ erection in his hand.

“So fucking good,” he said softly. Nicholas’ flush went a little deeper, a low, barely audible moan climbing out of his chest and hanging in the hot air between them. Danny stroked Nicholas cock, gaining confidence in the little noises Nicholas was trying not to make and pressing himself hard against Nicholas’ side, nearly grinding his own erection into Nicholas’ hip.

Nicholas let out a sudden, breathless laugh. “I almost wish we were doing this in the Manchester department,” he said.

“Why?”

Nicholas cut his eyes to Danny. “Why do you think?”

Danny bit down on the angles of Nicholas shoulder, finally grinding himself against his partner. There had been awkward talks about the sex thing, and then less awkward talks about sex, and then suddenly it was now, and they were in a dressing room with Nicholas’ pants around his knees and his mouth open and letting strange, soft noises out, and Danny’s cock just about leading a mutiny against all common sense. He had a condom in his wallet, after all.

Danny sucked in a shuddering breath before licking a hot stripe up Nicholas’ ear. “Can I?” he asked.

Nicholas nodded, flushed and distracted.

And Danny nearly died. “What would- I mean, how?”

“I don’t care,” Nicholas replied, eyes open and dark and a little reckless. Danny pressed his face into Nicholas’ shoulder once more, his hand on Nicholas’ cock jerking and pumping with no kind of rhythm at all as Nicholas’ hands – a little more sure and efficient than Danny’s own, although that was no surprise – undid Danny’s belt and smoothly worked the front open.

Nicholas’ jacket was pushed off his shoulders by shaking, slightly damp hands while Danny’s pants were pulled at and small stumbling steps were taken within the confined space. Teeth clicked together in a furious kiss, Nicholas planting hands on either side of Danny’s head and _arching_ into the kiss with a kind of wild abandonment Danny had thought existed only on the covers of trashy romance novels that were really only badly written sex. Not that he read those novels, oh no, and his hands were on Nicholas’ hips but then – of their own accord – they were sliding down and back and suddenly he had his hands full of naked, toned officer ass and he was pushing Nicholas back and pressing against him and grinding and Nicholas was making low sexy noises around Danny’s tongue.

Danny pulled back, pulling his wallet out and trying to kiss Nicholas and roll a condom on at the same time. It wasn’t exactly effective, but it was certainly enjoyable. Nicholas finally pulled his mouth away. “Do you want me to-?” He gestured vaguely with one hand.

Danny nodded. “Yeah. Easiest, I think.”

“Right.” Nicholas kissed Danny again – one last hot near-drunken meeting of mouths – before turning around and bracing himself against the back wall of the cubicle, which was mostly mirror. Danny took a long moment to stare at Nicholas, front pressed against mirror and his breath misting on the glass, long legs naked and spread and his shirt all wrinkled and twisted.

“You’re so lucky I don’t have a camera phone right now,” he said, stepping close. He grabbed the base of his cock, and grabbed at Nicholas’ hip, and slowly guided himself into the hot tightness, feeling Nicholas arch back against him, hearing the shaky breath and not knowing if it was his or not. He pressed forward and into Nicholas until he could rest his face against the back of Nicholas’ neck, panting slightly and feeling Nicholas pant beneath him. He shifted until both hands were on Nicholas hips, and he was flush against his partner’s back.

“You okay?”

“Mmmph,” Nicholas replied. “Very okay.”

“Okay.” Danny slowly pulled out. There was no lube, he realised through his shallow presses and thrusts, aside from the slick coating on the condom. Lube was usually pretty important in these situations, wasn’t it? He wondered if it was crucial, and then decided that Nicholas would probably tell him if it was.

Danny thrust against Nicholas, trying to be gentle, falling out of rhythm as Nicholas’ back arched to meet his thrusts and two sets of unsure movements failed to find a common time. He bit Nicholas’ shoulder as he moved faster, jerkily, muffled noises coming out of his mouth that communicated nothing other than how good it felt, how good all of it felt – the sweat slowly coating them, the electric sex endorphins, the adrenaline-fuelled madness that came from the mad fear of being caught. Not that Nicholas seemed to mind, not as if he wasn’t moaning too.

“Shh,” Danny hissed.

“Sorry,” Nicholas mumbled, shifting until his mouth was muffled by a forearm, the corner of his forehead pressed against the now-smudged glass of the mirror.

Danny bit down on his lip, his eyes closing and his forehead furrowing as his hips moved, wanting to thrust and grope and bite and having to reign everything in and be as quiet as first-time sex can ever hope to be. He felt the mad coil at the base of his stomach, and his hands grip Nicholas’ hips a little too tightly, and then he was thrusting and griding and coming with a headless kind urgency. Nicholas made soft, high sounds beneath him as Danny’s thrusts finally slowed, his body tingling and sweaty and he really just wanted to do that all over again.

Danny pulled out, accompanied by a muffled moan from Nicholas who sagged against the mirror, smearing precome against the once-pristine glass. He made a small and desperate noise before turning around and near thrusting himself back into Danny’s hand, panting and scrabbling for purchase against the mirror. Danny wrapped his hand firmly around Nicholas’ cock, jerking hard and fast and pushing Nicholas’ shirt up and over that lean, flat stomach. Nicholas head fell back, his mouth hanging open and a rough, tangled moan falling out with each ragged breath, slowly getting more and more needy and more and more audible. Danny’s hand did something particularly pleasing, and Nicholas’ head jerked back into the wall, a startlingly loud groan escaping from between parted teeth and swollen lips.

“Oh Jesus, Nick,” Danny hissed, once more clamping a hand over Nicholas’ mouth, “shut the hell up.” Nicholas licked a broad stripe across Danny’s heavy palm, tasting sweat and precum and skin. Danny’s hand tightened around Nicholas’ cock, the rhythm irregular as he felt the sharp dig of Nicholas’ teeth in his palm, biting back another of those hot tight whining noises. And then Nicholas was coming over Danny’s hand, hot and wet with the mad muffled soundtrack of a tight, barely controlled sound curling out of Nicholas throat. The only thing stopping it from being a scream was the aching stretch of Danny’s hand caught between straight white teeth. He wouldn’t be able to write tomorrow. _Note to self,_ Danny thought, _use left hand in future_.

As Nicholas panted and Danny slumped heavily against him, there was a timid knock at the dressing room door.

“Uh, sir?”

Nicholas closed his eyes, a pained expression flitting back over his face. “Mm-hmm?”

“Are you, uh, alright in there?”

“Yeah,” Nicholas called back shakily. “Just, uh, making sure they fit right.”

“It’s just. Um. There were these… _noises_?”

“Yeah, sorry,” Nicholas called back, ignoring Danny’s silent laughter. “It’s just that I _really_ like these jeans.”


End file.
